The 5 Stages Of Divorce Grief Explained
One can say that divorce is as life-altering an event as losing a loved one. The emotions that you go through during this time often feel like a whirlwind, grabbing you up and spitting you out at a point you never expected to be. Just like with death, many people go through five stages of something commonly known as divorce grief. So, what is divorce grief and what are its five stages?
The 5 stages of divorce grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—reflect the emotional journey one undergoes during a divorce. Much like grieving a death, these stages encompass a range of intense emotions and reactions, marking the sense of loss and adjustment required to move forward.
Grieving a divorce is a unique process, different for everyone, yet specific patterns emerge similar to those you might feel in the event of losing a loved one. To help you better understand these feelings and what you might be experiencing during this time, let’s delve into these stages and then go through some tips that might help you cope effectively throughout this process.
What Is The Best Way To Describe Divorce Grief?
Before we delve into the 5 stages of divorce grief, let’s take a look at what divorce grief is. Divorce grief can be described as the emotional and psychological response to the end of a marriage. Just as one grieves the death of a loved one, the dissolution of a marriage brings about a profound sense of loss. This grief is a natural reaction to the severing of what was once a significant emotional bond.
What Are The 5 Stages Of Divorce Grief?
Now that we better understand what we commonly call divorce grief, let’s take a look at what has been termed the 5 stages of divorce grief.
Stage 1: Denial And Shock
In the initial stage, denial and shock often take hold. When you first hear that your marriage is ending, it can feel like the rug has been pulled out from under you. Your envisioned life is suddenly crumbling, and this reality is hard to accept. You might continue to live as if nothing has changed, refusing to acknowledge the severity of the situation.
This stage serves as a defence mechanism, allowing you to process the news at your own pace. It’s common to feel numb or disbelieving; you may even think things will return to how they were.
Stage 2: Anger
As reality sets in, anger can surface. Anger can manifest in many ways, from blaming your ex-spouse for the breakdown of the marriage to feeling enraged at the situation’s unfairness. You might also direct anger towards yourself, questioning your own actions and decisions.
Anger can stem from feelings of betrayal, abandonment, or perceived injustice. It’s important to acknowledge this anger rather than suppress it, as it is a crucial part of the healing process.
Stage 3: Bargaining
The bargaining stage is marked by attempts to reverse the situation. You may think, “If only we had done this differently,” or try to negotiate with your ex-partner to reconcile. You might promise to change or compromise to salvage the marriage. It’s common to look for ways to avoid the pain by making deals with yourself, your ex-partner, or a higher power.
Bargaining is a way to regain control and delay the inevitable, and it often involves reflecting on the “what-ifs.” It can also be a time of deep introspection. Understanding that bargaining is a natural response can help you overcome it with less self-judgment.
Stage 4: Depression
Depression is a natural response to the significant loss a divorce represents. You may experience sadness, hopelessness, or a sense of despair with the total weight of the loss settling in. You might also feel overwhelmed, tired, and unable to find joy in the activities you once loved. It’s essential to recognise that feeling depressed is a normal reaction to such a significant life change.
This stage is often the most challenging as you come to terms with the reality of the situation. It’s essential to seek support from friends, family, or a professional to help navigate these feelings.
Stage 5: Acceptance
Finally, acceptance brings peace and helps you to acknowledge that the marriage is over while understanding what this means for your future. While it doesn’t mean all the pain is gone, it signifies that you have come to terms with the divorce. It’s a time to make practical decisions and plan for the next steps in your life.
Acceptance doesn’t mean you won’t feel sad or miss your old life, but you’re ready to embrace a new chapter. You begin to look forward and envision a future beyond the marriage.
Moving Forward (The Unofficial 6th Stage Of Divorce Grief)
Moving forward after a divorce involves embracing a new chapter of your life. It’s a time to rediscover yourself, set new goals, and build a future independent of your past relationship. While the road to healing can be long and winding, understanding the stages of divorce grief can help you navigate it with more clarity and resilience.
10 Ways To Cope With Divorce Grief
To help you traverse this new landscape that life has presented you with, here are ten ways to help you cope with the grief and eventually overcome it to start your new life.
- Seek Support: Surround yourself with family and friends who can support you.
- Therapy: Consider talking to a professional therapist.
- Stay Active: Engage in physical activities. These will help you boost your mood.
- Journal: Write down your thoughts and feelings.
- Meditation: Practice mindfulness or meditation; this will help you stay grounded.
- New Hobbies: Find new interests or hobbies to distract and heal.
- Self-Compassion: Be kind and patient with yourself.
- Healthy Routine: Maintain a healthy daily routine.
- Limit Contact: Reduce contact with your ex to give yourself space.
- Stay Positive: Focus on the positives and future possibilities.
Will You Go Through The Stages At The Same Time As Your Spouse?
It’s essential to remember that everyone grieves differently. You and your spouse might not experience the stages of divorce grief simultaneously. One might move through the stages faster, while the other lingers in a particular phase. Respecting each other’s processes can help reduce conflict and foster mutual understanding.
How Long Do The 5 Stages Of Divorce Grief Last?
There is no set timeline for how long each stage lasts. The duration varies for each person and depends on various factors, such as the marriage’s length, the divorce’s circumstances, and individual coping mechanisms. Some might move through the stages in a few months, while others may take years.
The Importance Of Self Care During A Divorce
Taking care of yourself during a divorce is crucial. Prioritise your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Engage in activities that make you happy and bring you relaxation. Also, ensure that you sleep enough, eat healthily, and exercise regularly. Practising self-care helps you build resilience and cope better with the emotional challenges of divorce.
Divorce is undeniably challenging, but by recognising and understanding the 5 stages of divorce grief, you can better manage your emotions and take steps towards healing and rebuilding your life. Remember, you are not alone; support is available to help you through this journey.
At Burnett Attorneys & Notaries, we understand divorce’s emotional and legal complexities. Our team is both professional and experienced, and we are also dedicated to providing compassionate and comprehensive legal support. Whether you need guidance on custody, asset division, or any other aspect of divorce, we are here to help you navigate this difficult time with care and expertise. Contact us today to learn more about how we can assist you.