Helping Children Cope: The Power Of Play Therapy During Divorce
Divorce is never easy—especially when children are involved. As parents, we worry endlessly: Are they okay? Do they understand what’s happening? Am I doing enough to support them emotionally? In the swirl of legal proceedings and emotional upheaval, it’s easy to feel helpless. But there is a gentle, child-centred way to help your little ones navigate this storm: play therapy.
Play therapy uses play-based techniques to help children express emotions for which they may not have the words. For South African children dealing with divorce, it offers a safe space to reduce anxiety, build emotional resilience, and improve communication and healing.
If you’re considering therapy for your child during or after a divorce, you may be wondering: Will they talk? Will they even understand why they’re there? The answer lies not in speaking but in playing. For children, especially those under 12, play is their language—and in the hands of a skilled therapist, it becomes a bridge to healing.
What Is Play Therapy?
Play therapy is a form of psychotherapy that uses toys, art, games, storytelling, and imaginative play to help children explore and express their emotions. Unlike adults, children often lack the words to describe how they feel—but give them a dollhouse or a box of crayons, and you might be surprised what comes out.
Guided by a trained play therapist, this therapeutic approach allows children to process grief, anxiety, confusion, and anger in a non-threatening and supportive environment.
How Does Divorce Affect Children?
Every child processes divorce differently. Some might become quiet and withdrawn, and others act out with aggression or tantrums. Younger children especially may feel responsible for the divorce or become confused by the changes in their routine and family dynamic.
Common emotional and behavioural signs include:
- Regressing to earlier behaviours (e.g., bedwetting, clinginess)
- Trouble sleeping or nightmares
- Anxiety or sadness
- Decline in school performance
- Anger toward one or both parents
Even if your child seems okay on the outside, they may be struggling internally. That’s where divorce therapy—and particularly play therapy—can help.
How Can Play Therapy Help Children Who Are Affected By Divorce?
Play therapy creates a safe space where your children are able to explore their feelings without pressure or judgment. Through play, they can:
- Work through confusion or guilt
- Express fear of abandonment
- Learn emotional regulation
- Develop coping skills
- Rebuild a sense of security
Children often express through metaphor what they can’t say in words. A puppet show might reveal worries about being “caught in the middle,” while a drawing may show sadness about moving between homes. A therapist trained in divorce therapy techniques can help interpret and support this emotional expression.
Divorce Therapy: How Can Play Therapy Techniques Help Children?
Play therapy is more than “just playing.” It’s structured and intentional. Here are several techniques commonly used during divorce therapy:
1. Sand Tray Therapy
Children can use miniature figures and objects in a sandbox to create scenes reflecting their inner world. This form of play helps them externalise difficult emotions and situations, such as two homes or separated parents.
2. Art Therapy
Drawing or painting allows children to express what’s happening in their minds and hearts. This activity can provide relief and clarity for children who feel anxious or overwhelmed.
3. Role-Playing With Dolls Or Puppets
Children act out scenarios with puppets or dolls, which gives insight into their fears, misunderstandings, and desires—often revealing things they wouldn’t say aloud.
4. Storytelling And Books
Therapists use age-appropriate books about divorce to start conversations. Children may then be invited to create their own story, which helps them process and reframe their experiences.
5. Therapeutic Games
Board games or card games with an emotional twist allow kids to explore topics like anger, sadness or hope in a light, structured way.
These techniques are grounded in empathy, providing a structured emotional release that builds resilience and understanding.
Play Therapy And Parental Consent
In South Africa, the Children’s Act 38 of 2005 governs the need for parental consent for therapeutic interventions. According to Section 18(3)(c), both parents with parental responsibilities and rights must consent to significant decisions in a child’s life, including therapy.
So what happens if one parent refuses?
In such cases, the parent seeking therapy can:
- Attempt to mediate the decision with the co-parent
- Seek legal advice to help them obtain a court order allowing therapy
- Provide documentation showing that the therapy is in the child’s best interest
Courts in South Africa prioritise the child’s best interest above all else. So, if play therapy is needed and one parent refuses to consent unreasonably, there are legal routes to ensure your child gets the help they need.
How Can You Support Your Children During Your Divorce?
Besides seeking divorce therapy, your support at home makes all the difference. Here are simple but powerful ways to help your children feel safe and loved:
- Talk about the divorce in a child-friendly way.
Use age-appropriate language and keep explanations simple. Reassure them it’s not their fault. - Express your love consistently.
Children need to know both parents still love them—no matter what. - Validate their feelings
If they’re sad, angry, or confused—let them be. Acknowledge their feelings rather than brushing them aside. - Communicate respectfully with your co-parent.
Especially in front of the children, this model promotes healthy conflict resolution and reduces anxiety. - Stay present and attentive.
Sometimes, just being there is enough. Listen when they’re ready to talk. Hug them often. Create routines to offer stability.
Divorce is a huge transition, but with the proper support, children can come through it stronger, wiser, and emotionally healthier. Play therapy isn’t just for kids who “seem upset”—it’s a proactive way to ensure their emotional well-being, even when they can’t articulate what’s happening inside. It gives children a voice, a space, and, most importantly—a sense of control in a situation that can feel wildly out of their hands.
At Burnett Attorneys & Notaries, we understand how emotionally challenging and legally complex divorce can be—especially when children are involved. From navigating custody and access arrangements to drafting parental rights and responsibilities agreements, we’re here to ensure your child’s best interests are protected every step of the way. Don’t hesitate to contact us today if you have any questions.